Let’s be honest. There was no way I was going to get to 34, with this relationship track record, and not have a bit of baggage. After the last debacle (see Ken/Kyle) I realized, “oh, great, on top of it all, now I’m going to have serious trust issues.” Every guy forward, I will be thinking: “is he cheating on me? Is he lying? Is his ‘I love you’ sincere? Does he have my best interest in mind? Is he scamming me?”
I felt like I had fallen off a pretty high horse. The fall broke my pride, my confidence, my trust and probably my collarbone, my kneecaps and my tailbone. I’m pretty sure I slipped a disc or two. In other words, psychologically and emotionally, I was a heap of bruised bones.
How do you get back on your horse after something like that? Well, obviously, some healing needs to take place and what better than time; time heals all wounds! They say it takes half the length of the relationship to get over it. It’s been almost 7 months. So, time, a fair amount of wine, fresh air, a dog, long walks, loud music, cookies and laughing has healed my wounds. But I’m still left with the baggage.
I’ve been worried about subjecting someone else to my baggage and really, to dealing with it myself. It’s exhausting to be suspicious and worried all the time. So, I decided I needed to think of it in a new way. My baggage is officially luggage.
Luggage is something you take on a journey and the size of your luggage is dependant on the length of your journey and your destination. I don’t know where I’m going or how long it will take me, so I have my luggage packed for all sorts of conditions and circumstances. I have to take my luggage on my journey, but that doesn’t mean I have to unpack it and wear the same ill-fitting pants everyday. My luggage is well organized; I know exactly what’s there and where it is, so I can reach in and pull out what I need, when I need it. Like a boy scout, I’ll always be prepared. Maybe someday, I can also get new luggage, maybe something snazzier and less practical, and put my old luggage in the basement for my grandkids to find, or I'll sell it in a garage sale.
For now, I’ve got my luggage packed and strapped to the back of my horse. I’m back on the horse, riding alone, towards the sunset. And I’ve got my sunglasses on and really cute boots.