The Joce Compatibility in Dating Quiz (You)

Start with 100 points. Subtract 1 point for each of the following statements you believe accurately describes you.

  1. I am an only child
  2. I live with roommates
  3. I live at home with my parents
  4. I have been convicted of a crime
  5. I am a vegetarian
  6. I am a vegan
  7. I don’t drink
  8. I don’t remember the last time I changed the sheets on my bed
  9. I have taken a picture of myself in the bathroom mirror with my shirt off with my camera phone
  10. I have taped myself having sex
  11. I consider myself a “cat person”
  12. I consider myself a casual drug user
  13. 4 wheeling is one of my hobbies
  14. I regularly play video games
  15. I do not own a car
  16. I am not employed
  17. I am in debt up to my eyeballs (for reasons other than medical or law school)
  18. I have kids
  19. I am under 5’8”
  20. I own sweatpants and will wear them in public (other than the gym)
  21. I go to the gym every day
  22. I never exercise
  23. I eat fast food/pizza at least once a week
  24. I am a smoker
  25. I enjoy singing karaoke
  26. I don’t wear deodorant
  27. I wear cologne
  28. I never floss
  29. I like Jimmy Buffett
  30. I was in a fraternity in college
  31. I have posted an ad in Craigslist Casual Encounters
  32. I have paid for sex
  33. I own a giant television
  34. The last time I read a book it was required reading
  35. I refer to myself an existentialist
  36. I own a gun (for something other than military service or my job as a police officer
  37. I have cheated on a former girlfriend
  38. I have never been in love
  39. I own a light-up beer sign
  40. I collect empty beer or wine bottles and display them on my windowsill
  41. I have participated in a threesome
  42. I have a subscription to a porn magazine
  43. I have an allergy to peanuts, wheat, or milk
  44. I would consider myself a “picky eater”
  45. I drink to get drunk on a frequent basis
  46. I have never been in a relationship that lasted longer than 6 months
  47. I am divorced
  48. I refuse to dance even when I’ve had a couple of drinks and I’m at my best friend’s wedding
  49. I refer to women as “females”
  50. I have been called “cheap” by a former girlfriend
  51. I live paycheck to paycheck
  52. I do not have a savings account
  53. I think women should open their own doors
  54. I prefer chain restaurants to local places
  55. I drink my coffee with a lot of cream and sugar or I prefer tea over coffee
  56. I need “meds” to get through the day
  57. If I can’t get it at Walmart, I don’t need it
  58. I prefer to go “dutch”
  59. I wear “tighty whities”
  60. I have a full beard, mustache and/or muttonchops
  61. I LARP
  62. I participate in historical reenactments
  63. I am 10 years older or 10 years younger than Joce (Joce is 32)
  64. I am from the northeastern part of the United States
  65. I run marathons
  66. I wear baseball / trucker caps regularly (even if I’m not playing baseball or truckin’)
  67. When I wear a baseball / trucker cap, I turn it to the side
  68. I have a tattoo of a Looney Tune
  69. I have a tattoo of a comic book character
  70. I have a tattoo of a woman’s name (other than my mother)
  71. I have a tattoo of barbed wire around my bicep
  72. “It’s all good” is something I say frequently
  73. I regularly say “and whatnot” at the end of a sentence
  74. I use the terms “lol” and “lmao” on a frequent basis
  75. I have an obsession with Star Wars
  76. I have an obsession with Star Trek
  77. I have an obsession with comic books / comic book characters
  78. I have an obsession with the Lord of the Rings trilogy
  79. I have an obsession with football
  80. I do not know what NPR stands for
  81. I sleep on a mattress on the floor
  82. I am a Sagittarius, Scorpio or Capricorn
  83. College wasn’t for me
  84. I have used the phrase “I carry my God in my pocket”
  85. I use the term “bro” or “bra” when talking to my male friends
  86. I play in a band
  87. I chew gum
  88. I drink more than one soda pop a day
  89. I hate my mother
  90. My mother hates me
  91. I love my chow, pit bull, Chihuahua, cocker spaniel, pug, beagle, Jack Russell terrier, Doberman pinscher, miniature pinscher, wolf mix, or Rottweiler
  92. I have over 300 friends on Facebook or MySpace
  93. I prefer texting to calling
  94. I bought “rims” for my car
  95. I wash my car once a week
  96. I never wash my car
  97. I own a snake, lizard, rat or ferret
  98. I am going bald and growing my hair out at the same time
  99. My hair is long enough to pull back in a pony tail
  100. I dye my hair

Clearly you are a big liar…or my knight in shining armor. Call me immediately for a date! Or to propose! I’ll be happy to give you the best (or next) 4 years of my life.
Three scenarios are possible: we will go out on 1-2 dates and you will fall in love with me and I will find you wretched OR we will go out on 1-2 dates and I will fall in love with you and you will find me tedious OR we will go out on 1-2 dates and decide we’re better off as friends. Things will be awkward for awhile but we’ll appreciate each other in the end. This is the most likely scenario.
The best opportunity for a “bad date.” We have just enough in common, or you’re hot enough that I’ll agree to go out with you. I will probably even be hopeful about it. Give him a chance! Maybe he’ll surprise you?! It will be painful and embarrassing and a huge waste of precious time. Of course, it will be fun to tell my friends about later. Sayonara suckah.
It could never and will never work. Of course, that doesn’t mean I won’t go out with you. I’ll give it the old college try and will hate every second of the “experience.” I will vow never to see/call/talk to you again and I will resent you and look forward to mocking you at my earliest convenience. Or, we will move in together.
Move along. You should be ashamed of yourself. I’m ashamed of you. Your mom is, too.