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Picky vs Discerning (Roger)

Joce,
haha yeah, different modes is a good way of putting it. But I appreciate people who are different than me and I think we could still have fun if we hung out, if you're up for it. I tried not to leave a bad 1st impression, but I almost always do. Most people like me more after the 2nd or 3rd time we hang out. I'm not quite sure why it's like that, but it is. Give me a call when you get a chance, or I'll call you...either way. Have a good night.
Roger


Dear Roger,
Saying we live in operate in two different modes was my nice way of saying that we are clearly NOT compatible and let’s just give each other a nice friendly wave goodbye and call it good. Apparently, it’s going to take me spelling it out for you to take the hint that I’m not interested, not one eensy weensy iota.

I realize that we’d all occasionally like a second (or in your case, third) opportunity to make a first impression. That’s understandable, maybe your hair wasn’t just right, or you felt under the weather or said something that you didn’t mean because you were nervous. That happens to all of us. However, I can resolutely say, that even given the opportunity to make this second or third first impression, my feelings would be the same about you. You see, Roger, the things that most discouraged me from wanting to know you, seem to be things that are fully ingrained in your personality. These were not minor gaffs or flubs. The things I didn’t like about you, ARE you. They are the things that make you Roger. And those things, the Roger things, are very simply not compatible with the things that make me Joce.

I would have preferred to have a quick mid-afternoon coffee or beer with you on our first date, however, because you don’t drink coffee, or tea or any alcoholic beverages, or even soda pop, I suggested, against my better judgment, that we could have dinner together. You offered to let me choose the restaurant but expressed concern with all places that I recommended. I like ethnic cuisine— I like cuisine in general, you, on the other hand, said you would prefer “regular food.” I don’t even know what that means.

Because you are so, so picky, we finally agreed on a place for dinner. You managed to choose the most bland thing on the menu, the tortellini alfredo. Maybe you think I didn’t notice, because you were trying to be sneaky about it, but you didn’t eat a single red or green tortellini of the tri-colored tortellini. You only ate the white ones. The bland white tortellini in the bland white sauce for a bland white man.

I don’t like picky men, Roger, and somehow you misinterpreted my tendency towards being “discerning” as picky. Let me clarify. I am discerning because I have experience. I have tried lots of different things and consequently, I am able to compare and contrast those different things and make a judgment. I can say, with assuredness, that Shanti is the better of the three Indian restaurants in town. That is because I have tried all three multiple times and have come to the conclusion that the ingredients, the preparation, the service, the ambience, etc. provide a superior experience. You will not eat at any of the Indian restaurants in town because you think Indian food is “weird.” Picky comes from lack of experience and fear of the unknown. Discerning comes from experience and knowledge. You are picky. I am discerning.

I, too, appreciate people who are different from myself, however, there should be at the very least, some common ground. I’m sorry to disappoint you, but there is no common ground here. I believe that one of the basic tenets of dating should be the ability to go to a restaurant and enjoy a meal together. That would never be possible with you and consequently, I am uninterested in exploring any of the other possible dating scenarios, like movies, museum trips, or miniature golf with you.
Best, Joce