A long and enchanted life (Howie)

Hi Joce,

I was disappointed not to hear from you yesterday after you said you'd call me on Saturday concerning our plans for today. In fact, that's happened twice this week, because if you recall you said last Sunday that you'd call me this week after you had pondered things. You never did, although you did email me, which I felt was a bit of a cop out. So yesterday when considering these two unfilled "I'll call you's," I had a horrible hunch.

Now before I give the impression that I'm some sort of stalker, let me just say that I am simply trying to determine your level of interest here. I think after knowing each other for a month, 2 awesome dates, some really great phone conversations, countless emails (including some LONG ones), the exchange of much of our personal information such as dating history and family details, long discussions about our passions in life and mutual love of the arts,etc etc etc....that a guy has a right to know if you're interested or not. And since you have been unable or unwilling to tell me, I was forced to put the pieces together for myself, and have concluded that you are either (a) not interested, or (b) can't decide even after all of the above, and neither of these possibilities bode well for me. Now don't get me wrong, I was never asking for any sort of commitment from you, and you haven't done anything wrong here at all. But it seems that instead of things moving forward (as I had hoped for), they're actually moving backward, what with the unfulfilled phone calls, and increased sparsity of communication,at a time when I thought we were growing closer. So with all that in mind, I think it's best that I don't invest any more time and emotional energy in this relationship. It feels incredibly disappointing to reach this conclusion, considering how much I like you, our conversations, your lifestyle, your home, your art, your dog,and even your "big" personality, which you said was an acquired taste and which I apparently acquired very quickly. I know that ultimately I've learned far from everything about you, but I was really looking forward to discovering lots more. However, it seems that we're simply not on the same page, and that never ends well...

Much of our generation has a terrible habit of casually throwing away something great to search for something better, when with effort and dedication that "something great" could have blossomed into something truly spectacular. I sincerely hope this is not the case with you Joce. You are much too intelligent for that. I wish you the very best in all your life's pursuits. You absolutely deserve to live a long and enchanted life...


Dear Howie,

If only you weren't tragically boring and incredibly unappealing physically. Because you are nice and thoughtful and funny.

I wish you could have seen the inequity and saved yourself the heartache: how I'm so very awesome and you are so very underwhelming. You have a poster in your taupe apartment, just one poster. You are a vegetarian and think quesadillas should be made in the microwave with pre-grated cheese. You are 28 years old and yet you have acid reflux which means you have a twin sized bed that is propped up on one end like a hospital bed. That towel in your bathroom should be thrown away. You have weird dry skin on your limp hands and your bottom lip is kind of bloated -- get some chapstick! You live with a lot of fear -- my neighborhood isn't dangerous. You are not going to be eaten by a mountain lion on your hike. That guy is not going to shoot us just because I yelled at him for speeding down my block. It wouldn't kill you to have more than one beer or glass of wine, once in awhile. Maybe you'd lighten up a little.

For Christ's sake, Howie, we went on TWO dates. I realize that you wanted to hitch your wagon to my star but it was never going to happen. It was not surprising to me to come to this conclusion considering how much I was lukewarm about you, our conversations, your lifestyle, your crap apartment, your poster and your weenie personality. I didn't really want to learn more about you. Spectacular, Howie? Not even close. I wish you the very best in your mediocre life.